Can Divorce Be Dare We Ask………Nice?

by Zelick Glimelstein on January 23, 2014

Not everybody goes for the jugular when filing for divorce.

Don’t get us wrong, some do. Some do with a vengeance, but others seem to find a way to Part Company peacefully.

Take the recent announcement from Hollywood hunk Orlando Bloom, and his Australian model wife Miranda Kerr. A few short days ago they announced they were ending their marriage… but not their family life?! Bloom, when asked for comment in New York about the split, specifically whether the couple would remain friends, countered with, “We’re not friends. We’re family.”(We are still not exactly sure how they plan to make this work, however.)

Regardless, what the couple seems to be saying to the rest of the world is that they plan on making things work for their child and putting aside differences and hostilities to do so. They were even caught on camera in a family friendly kiss. A kiss was more of a peck on the cheek than something that might be considered passionate but never-the-less there were lips involved. The newly single Mister Bloom did mention that life does not always turn out the way you want it to.

Consider this against the striking contrast of other celebrity divorces that got nasty, like the not so shocking split up of TomKat last year. We say not so shocking because from early on there were rumors that young Mrs. Cruise was not in the happiest, healthiest or free-est of relationships and that she was increasingly unhappy over the course of their 5 year marriage. Many saw it coming.

Celebrity Divorces

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But the couple probably did not anticipate the really ugly battle for custody in the tabloids as well as in the courts. This one got nasty. Especially considering all the personal slams that we the viewing public were privy to. Take heart all you non-famous divorcees out there. At least you don’t have to go through the embarrassment of public humiliation just to get your parenting plan in place.

And let’s not forget the Kardashian fiasco! Although does it really count if you spend only 72 days in the marriage, and then 18 months battling through divorce court proceedings?

Ahh but we digress, this is not about who is splitting up, it’s about how two people who once said “I do” choose to say “I don’t anymore”. Is it nicely or is it scary? Well actually, that is entirely up to you.

For the Bloom Kerr team there may be a lot of personal motivation to spare themselves and their very young son from the shaming in the media that can get, quite frankly, out of control. We the people love our gossip and our fodder. (Remember the old Don Henley song, Dirty Laundry?) The press feeds that machine all the time and we keep buying the magazines and tuning into the sites and shows that tell all about celebrity gossip. So it’s possible that they just wanted to keep us the all-seeing public eye quiet. But it is also possible that those two former love birds are mature and sensitive enough to love each other unconditionally and to let each other go with grace when it is obvious that the relationship has run its course.

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Did we really just suggest that? Actually, yes we did. And yes, it really is true, you have a choice in how nasty your divorce gets. Just because you can’t live with the other person anymore, or just because they have decided to move on, or even if they have found love with another, you still have a choice. Not to say that you will like it or it won’t be challenging but you can decide to be true to yourself and not ruin what used to be love with a hateful conclusion.

How you may ask? Here are our three best tips for being the poster child for how to get divorced.

  1. Don’t go it alone. Create a support team that lets you vent. Check out the groups for newly divorced. Tell someone about the hurt, the pain, the mixed feelings. Remember divorce is a loss, and will have to be mourned just as a death might. It’s ok to feel it, just make sure you get it out.

  2. Go have fun! Seriously, having fun actually releases happy hormones into your brain and brightens your outlook on life. It can also motivate you to start your life again. It will still take time but it is a lot better than sitting around rehashing the past with nothing but regret and loneliness to keep you company.

  3. Don’t fight. This one is the hardest but we happen to know it works. If you are playing the game tug of war at field day (remember field day!) then the idea is to hold on with all your might till the other team is in the mud. For most other situations in life one of the best ways to win a battle is to just LET GO OF THE ROPE! If you refuse to partake in hating or fighting or hurting then you take the excitement away from the fight. It sounds counterintuitive but a fight takes two people at least. If there’s only one doing the fighting then there is no fight.

The Blooms have stated that, “Despite this being the end of their marriage, they love, support and respect each other as both parents of their son and as family.” We say kudos to both of them, and to all of you. It takes a real good person to act that good in the face of adversity.

About The Author:
Christopher Migliaccio is a bankruptcy attorney in North Texas with the law firm Warren & Migliaccio, L.L.P. A graduate of Thomas M. Cooley School of Law in Lansing, MI, Chris’s undergraduate studies in accounting fortify his expertise in the intricacies of federal bankruptcy rules and the bankruptcy process. When he isn’t busy crafting effective strategies for clients, Chris enjoys spending time with his wife, three children, and their Golden Retriever and chocolate Lab.

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